The
move to Kelowna was strictly ego driven and I spent no time considering the
pros and cons intelligently. I had been dealt so many body blows the last five years
that I just needed something positive to cling to, a chance to look forward to
a new adventure that could potentially turn my luck around.
Since
the day I left Cranbrook in 1993 I had developed a subtle habit of packing up
and moving every three to five years and this would fit the pattern nicely, a
chance to wipe the slate clean and start fresh in a place where almost no one
would know me. I spent the summer crowing to anyone who would listen that I was
moving back to paradise and I enjoyed the brief notoriety it afforded me.
None
of this masked that it was a terrible decision and deep inside I knew it. The problems
I was trying to escape were certainly going to follow me and the move was going
to permanently sever my last ties to any kind of accountability or moral support.
Even
with close friends and family to lean on I was now consistently drinking a six-pack
of Guinness chased with Scotch and a full litre of vodka every single day and
had completely blown through my savings and investments in an attempt to hide
the damage it was doing to my finances. I drove drunk or hung over literally every
day and I was in daily physical agony from the combination of the car accident
and the unhealthy diet. I had no clue how I would cope alone and yet here I was,
on the brink of almost certain self destruction with no way to back down and
save face. My ego was too exposed to allow me to make the brave decision and
stop the process.
More
unfortunate, if I had been brave I could have saved my brother Kevin a lot of
pain too. My decision had the unintended consequence of throwing his life into
turmoil and I was too wrapped up in my plans to see how much I had hurt him. I was
leaving him in the lurch with no place to live and very little time to make
suitable arrangements. Since the day Angela had left he had been the one to
keep an eye on me when I was passed out late at night, he would always make
sure the rent cheque was covered when I was spending my share in the pub and he
was the last remaining person who had the courage to call me on my shit when it
got to be too much. Now I was discarding him in my haste to try and outrun my
pain.
Originally
I was expected to move in March, and it was now August with no arrangements
committed to yet. It should have been obvious they were stalling to buy more
time to be able to afford my new contract and the delay should have been the
trigger that allowed me to back out but I was fully committed now.
I
pushed the owners hard to pick a date to start and we finally agreed I would be
in Kelowna to fill my new position at the beginning of October. I cleaned out
my house, put everything in storage and said my goodbyes. I gave up my hockey
and football season tickets and prepared for what I thought would be a permanent
move back to BC.
I
should have seen this all coming, in hindsight I feel like I walked into the buzz
saw deliberately in an effort to punish myself. At any rate, I had made the
mistake of building a relationship with the senior brother but had no
connection with the other two. I had seen all along how they battled and
cheated each other and their many colleagues in the industry. None of what
happened should ever have surprised me. And yet…
I
showed up for my first day in Kelowna and was immediately called into middle
brother’s office.
“You
know I run the BC region correct?”
“Of
course!” I replied.
He
picked up my contract from a pile of papers on his desk and started to tear it
into tiny pieces.
“You
don’t work for Edmonton anymore, you work for me and I won’t be honouring any
off this bullshit. You can stay and sell for me or you can go home. Either way,
I don’t give a shit….”
“Betray” Minor Threat
Maybe it was no one's fault
I know it wasn't mine
But now that you've moved along
I guess I'm next in line
I thought we had the same ideas
But you, you proved me wrong
I've been played the fool before
But never for quite so long
Betray, betray, betray, betray
Betray, betray, betray, betray
So what now?
Do we shake hands and go on our separate ways;
Or do I open my mind and follow you into the haze?
No, I'll see you tomorrow
Same channel, same time, same place
I'm not going anywhere 'cause I quit your fucking race
Betray, betray, betray, betray
Betray, betray, betray, betray
Goddamit, we were supposed to stay young
And now it's over, it's finished
It's done, no expectations
Were on the run but now it's over
It's finished, it's done
Over and done, the end
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