What does yoga mean to me? Chapter 2 - Home For a Rest

I was always behind the curve growing up, awkward and about 3-5 years behind my peers socially. I was comfortable with who I was but inevitably I would be shown up or embarrassed in school as I said or did the exact wrong thing at the wrong time. I remember coming back from a summer break in junior high school, obsessed with Star Wars and journaling about Wayne Gretzky only to find all my friends had discovered punk rock and house parties. It always seemed like I was never quick enough to keep up. However, I was fortunate that I played sports so there was a connection with my teammates, and most of my friends and I were in advanced curriculums so I had that connection too. I wasn’t bullied, I was never shunned, but I always felt the gulf between us when it came to anything not connected to school activities.

I had my first beer near the end of my senior year. I had joined the local broomball league and was invited to play in a 48 hour around the clock tournament. The time we needed to waste between games naturally lent to sitting in the pub and the older players invited the two underagers along. I was terrified to try and sneak in to a bar, but the veterans took us under their wing and despite a sideways glance from the waitress we were in. My first drink was a beer in a pint glass and since all eyes were on me I chugged it down quickly because naturally that’s what you do? A few knowing smiles and another pint was poured for me…

I still remember vividly - looking at myself in the mirror of the men’s room, grinning back like a fool and feeling like a super hero! I suddenly fit in and found my voice, I was funny, I was loud and I could hang with the guys. The gulf was narrowed and the rest of high school, grad parties and dances were a lot easier to bear. My first summer as an 18 year old I joined one of the city rep soccer teams, playing with the men in the Kootenay Soccer League for the first time. The guys on the team were talented enough and we won the league that season, but the team was formed amongst friends who enjoyed playing off the field as much as on and I learned to look forward to practices and games, not for the actual soccer but because it meant lots of grins at the hang after. The older guys were heroes of mine and I would do anything to fit in and earn their friendship.

Cranbrook Suns 1983 KSL Champs

This is what the next 20 years of my life became. Soccer, rugby, golf, skiing, hiking…any activity as long as there was a beer for a reward.  

Always the loudest, always the first one to jump on a table and lead the bar in a song, the first one to loudly shame anyone who sensibly wanted to call it a night. Standing on a picnic table naked and showered in beer at a rugby tournament, standing on a keg to lead the chants after a game, buying the round at last call at 0200am on a Tuesday after a routine soccer practice, always the one everyone would look for to take it to the next level. For a stretch of the 90’s I found myself at various times in an airport in Vancouver, a hockey game in Prince George, a mall in Edmonton or a pub in Saskatoon, and each time someone from deep in the crowd would shout “Bullet!!” and I would take on the role...

Beavis and Bud-Head

The saving grace I thought was the fact it was a performance, something I fooled myself into thinking I could turn on and off. I would tell myself its fine, it’s not like I drink all the time, it’s not like I drink at home, or drink hard stuff, or drink alone….

1996 Rugby Pub Crawl

"Home For A Rest" Spirit Of The West 

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best I've been gone for a month, I've been drunk since I left These so-called vacations will soon be my death I'm so sick from the drink I need home for a rest.

We arrived in December and London was cold We stayed in the bars along Charing Cross Road We never saw nothin' but brass taps and oak Kept a shine on the bar with the sleeves of our coats

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best I've been gone for a weekI've been drunk since I left And these so-called vacations Will soon be my death I'm so sick from the drink I need home for a rest Take me home....

Euston Station the train journey North In the buffet car we lurched back and forth Past old crooked dykes through Yorkshire's green fields We were flung into dance as the train jigged and reeled

By the light of the moon, she'd drift through the streets A rare old perfume, so seductive and sweet She'd tease us and flirt, as the pubs all closed down Then walk us on home and deny us a round

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best I've been gone for a month I've been drunk since I left And these so-called vacations Will soon be my death I'm so sick from the drink I need home for a rest Take me home....

The gas heater's empty, it's damp as a tomb The spirits we drank now ghosts in the room I'm knackered again, come on sleep take me soon And don't lift up my head 'till the the twelve bells at noon

You'll have to excuse me, I'm not at my best I've been gone for a month I've been drunk since I left And these so-called vacations Will soon be my death I'm so sick from the drink I need home for a rest Take me home....