I had never experienced anything like this before, coming home to an empty house with no clue where she was, if she was safe or if she was ever coming home again.
Nothing had been normal for the last year since our move and the tension had been enormous, but I could never imagine it coming to this. I called her friends and family in a panic but no one would speak to me, until eventually I got a return call from her best friend Kim telling me that she was fine but would not talk to me until she was ready. I could only assume that because it was Kim calling that Angela was in PG but I was still beyond comprehending all that was happening.
One week later I came home to find her car in the driveway. I raced inside to confront her but she met me at the door in the worst rage I had ever seen. "How dare I interfere with her life, how dare I embarrass her in front of her friends?"
She ran to our room, slammed the door and remained locked in there for the next week, only coming out to eat after I went to bed. I was relegated to the spare room with even more confusion than before, When she finally came out to start getting ready to return to work, all she would say to me was she had decided to stay with me and if I ever questioned her about the last two weeks she would leave for good. I was completely ill equipped to deal with this at the time, and my first reaction was to shut down and eliminate the risk of losing her.
Of course it was wrong. I was now facing the death rattle at the end of our fragile relationship but it was all I had or knew to that point. In my lack of experience dealing with any conflict to this point all I knew was for the last seven years ignoring the problem would make it go away.
The last twelve months had turned my life upside down. Angela had coped with the stress and betrayal involved in the transfer by throwing herself headlong into her job, working 16 hour days and becoming emotionally involved with a couple of her assistants and all but shutting me out of her daily life. I coped the way I always did, stopping at the liquor store next to work to pick up a six pack of beer then sitting in my car in the parking lot while I slammed them before heading home to my silent house.
"A Bad Dream" Keane
Why do I have to fly
Over every town up and down the line?
I'll die in the clouds above
And you that I defend, I do not love
I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind
Where will I meet my fate?
Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate
And when will I meet my end?
In a better time you could be my friend
I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind
Wouldn't mind it
If you were by my side
But you're long gone
Yeah you're long gone now
Where do we go?
I don't even know
My strange old face
And I'm thinking about those days
And I'm thinking about those days
I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind
Wouldn't mind it
If you were by my side
But you're long gone
Yeah you're long gone now
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