What does yoga mean to me? Chapter 15 - Mountains

My paternal grandmother Madeline McMann passed away on Christmas Day 2006, and the funeral was delayed until the new year to give the extended family time to get home after the  holidays.

Angela had been in a fog and distant during the holidays, so it was a massive surprise that the day of the funeral she awoke bright and chipper and ready to socialize. The funeral would be held in Ribstone, near Chauvin, and Angela was for one day at least her old self. She laughed, flirted and doted on the older family members; she lit up the room and made the drive to and from a pleasant experience for everyone. This was the woman I had fallen in love with and days like this day made me miss her more than ever.

Even though the last five years had been tremendously difficult, it was the rare day like this that gave me hope that the old Angela was still in there and that things would eventually return to normal, but the next day she was back locked in her room in the dark.

The mini comas were even more frequent and I was living most days in sheer terror that I would come home to find her dead from an awkward fall or drowned in the tub. As much as I had once loved her, the stress from her illness and the exhaustion from being lonely and trapped had worn me completely out; so when she came to me on Friday January 12^th with the offer to go home to spend a week with her mom in Manitoba I quickly agreed. Of course it was completely selfish on my part but I just couldn’t cope with her in this state anymore, and it would probably be therapeutic for her to go home and get some mother’s love.

Initially things went surprisingly well; she called home a couple times a day and sounded like her old self. She had a new energy and it seemed like the trip home was doing her good, so when she asked to stay a second week I naturally agreed. She finally came home on Saturday the 27^th and she was completely re-energized, the trip had been a huge success! She was only home a couple days when she came to me with another idea, she felt so great and the break had been so good for me too, why not let her go home for another couple of weeks? Again I selfishly agreed, the time off had been a wonderful break for me and if the trip home had improved her this much there was nothing to lose.

Things were immediately different this time though, she didn’t call to let me know that she had arrived safely, and I tried calling her mom several times during the first few days and the phone would go to voice mail every time. There was something really off about all of this.

Wednesday February 7th at about two in the morning I sat bolt upright in bed in a cold sweat; everything had become crystal clear to me and I couldn’t believe I had been so naive for so long.

“Mountains” BIFFY CLYRO

Took a bite out of a mountain range
Thought my teeth would break the mountain dead
Let's go, I wanna go all the way to the horizon

I took a drink out the ocean
I'm treading water there before I drown
Let's dive, I wanna dive to the bottom of the ocean

I took a ride, I took a ride
I wouldn't go there without you
Let's take a ride, we'll take a ride
I wouldn't leave here without you

I am a mountain, I am the sea
You can't take that away from me
I am a mountain, I am the sea
You can't take that away from me

'Cause you tear us apart with all the things you don't like
You can't understand that I won't leave 'till we're finished here
And then you'll find out where it all went wrong

I wrote a note to the jungle and it wrote me back
But I was never crowned king of the jungle
So there's an end to my horizon

I took a ride, I took a ride
I wouldn't go there without you
Let's take a ride, we'll take a ride
I wouldn't leave here without you

I am a mountain, I am the sea
You can't take that away from me
I am a mountain, I am the sea

'Cause you tear us apart with all the things you don't like
You can't understand that I won't leave 'till we're finished here
And then you'll find out where it all went wrong

Nothing lasts forever except you and me
You are my mountain, you are my sea
Love can last forever between you and me
You are my mountain, you are my sea

I am a mountain, I am the sea
You can't take that away from me
I am a mountain, I am the sea
I am a mountain, I am the sea